One Liners

"I just want to be friends......but I think you're really pretty."

"I probably shouldn't have kissed you. I'm moving to Belgium in 3 weeks."

"No matter what happens between us, last night was not a NCMO."

"Why are you confused about this? Well....I guess I did cuddle with you. But I'm just a cuddly guy."

"You go first." "Okay, I'm still in love with you." "Well, I'm not."

"After many months of thought, I've decided to end our relationship."

"I only made out with her for practice."

I could go on and on with lines like these that have been permanently burned into my memory.

At first, they sting. I always have that moment where I blame myself for everything crashing and burning, but that wasn't always true. And then I'd cry and cry and just wish things could go back to before he had to say that. 

That's my love life thus far, folks. There's definitely been sweet moments like when I got a call while I was in California with the song "Come On, Get Higher" playing on the other end or the candlelight dinner planned on the shore of a lake for me. And then awkward moments like when I was forced to drink coffee on a date or taken to the temple on a first date.

And all this gets hard when friends and classmates and those girls who used to be beehives when I was a laurel get married. I have days (or weeks) when I get frickin' bent out of shape about that. I thought I was going to get married at 19, but that fell through. And then I had the chance to marry someone at 21, but I just couldn't see myself being with him forever.

But when those sweet moments come when I actually go on a date with a guy who treats me with respect, it gives me hope and reminds me that someday it'll be my turn and it'll all be worth it.

Plus, I'm 21. I seriously have ALL the time in the world to get married. Except I live in Utah county where everyone gets married at 18 which makes me feel like an old maid. What I really need to do is move somewhere back east, then I wouldn't feel so lame.

Problem solved. Done deal!

This Summer

Summer 2013 will go down in history as the summer I started kicking my eating disorder's butt.

Before you get ahead of yourself, we're not talking anorexia or bulimia here, but a selective eating disorder. My entire life I've pretty much been afraid of food, and that fear has also created a little bit of a social anxiety disorder. So invite me to a dinner party and I'd probably come up with an awesome excuse not to come even though I'd love to hang out with you. Oh, dating gets super fun too. Guy tells me we're going out to dinner but I some how convince him I had a big lunch or something so I don't have to admit that there's nothing on the menu I can eat without gagging.

But this summer I finally sucked it up and got into therapy for it. Why did I wait this long? Honestly, it's because my brother and sister have been in therapy their entire lives for their depression or anxiety. That's great and I know it's helped them a ton, but I've always had this idea in my head that normal, healthy people don't need therapy, and going to therapy would be admitting to being abnormal and broken in some way.

Right away it started helping a ton. My therapist set me up with a dietitian and both of them started giving me assignments for different foods to try. I still remember my second week I had to bring in an orange and peel it. I was SO grateful I didn't have to eat it! Touching it at first was scary enough! But week after week of having to eat all these foods I had avoided my entire life it started getting easier. My anxiety started to slowly drop every time I had to try something new. I started actually finding things I liked and things I wished I had been eating my entire life. 

So here at the end of the summer I feel like I'm to the point that if you put something in front, unless it's fish, I could eat it. I may make a funny face or eat it the wrong way, but I could get it into my mouth and successfully into my stomach! :) Also I found out I love:

Pineapple

Apples

Oranges

Carrots

Corn on the cob

Honeydew

Mushrooms

Meatballs

Hot Dogs

Hi.

So, that's me. What up.

I feel like I should start this blog off with some form of introduction......but I don't even know where to start!

Um, I'm from Utah. I think Utah is extremely underrated. It may be a bubble, but it's absolutely beautiful and just fun to live in. I wish it was a little bit more diverse in culture, but other than that, no complaints.

I'm getting pretty dang close to finishing up my bachelor's in social work. I'm ready to be done with school and actually be doing my job. This summer I started working as a human service worker at Wasatch Mental Health, and it made me that much more anxious to just be done already. So far I really want to work with delinquent teens, but we'll see if that's still the case after my internships.

Besides social work, I'm super passionate about music. I spend more money than I should on Itunes and pretty much worship Shazam. I used to be more of a hipster and was super picky about what music I listened to, but I'm starting to get to the point that I really like a little bit of everything.

Once upon a time I wanted to be a photographer, but now it's just a little hobby I have that pops up every now and again. I do love it though. It's amazing what you can catch in a picture.

Um, yeah, haha. That's me on a shallow, first date, level anyways. We'll dive deeper as we go.